While my friends lapped that stuff up, I just wanted to spit it out. What I actually wanted to do was admit to myself who I really was. I was suffocating under the pressure I put on myself. For almost 10 years, I oscillated wildly between confusion and fear in regards to my sexuality, wrapping myself in lies as I went along. I dodged questions like that for far too long. In the spring of , still chronically sad, I became an insomniac.
She even works harder and people must like her more than they like me… Our lesbian love story is definitely not one of love at first sight…. Maartje had already worked at the cinema for half a year and she saw me as the enemy at first. A trip to Six Flags during Halloween changed everything. It was in a horror villa where our friendship started, as I could protect Maartje from the scary actors with my tall body. Our friendship to us meant partying and kissing lots of boys together. Especially Maartje, because she just broke up with her boyfriend. She explored her freedom as much as possible, so why not try to date girls as well?
I realized that I am lesbian when I was in my O level because I used to have feelings for my fellow girls. When I finished my A level during my vacation, my parents realized or got to know that am a lesbian because they used to hear rumors from people and they used to see my partner visiting me. When they asked me I denied so what they did, my brother got me his friend to be my boyfriend I did not like it but I accepted and started to pretend just to take away what they heard about me because I still wanted my family and to study.
It worked, by the way. When we were represented at all we were an afterthought, a sidekick, or a political statement. Straight women can watch any manner of film that represents their experience, and that makes them laugh, cry, and sigh at the predictable yet satisfying ending. Lesbians are so often forced to relive trauma and rejection, and to witness their oppression on screen.